If I were a celebrity, this would be my “JSP” – You know, my Jessica Simpson Phase? It’s that time of life when you’ve gone and gained a few pounds so instead of looking fit you look puffy and instead of looking toned you look tubby.
Wait, did I just say tubby? That reminds me…
I interrupt my own story to tell you about a time I ordered a non-fat vanilla latte. The Barista took my order and kindly requested my name. To which I replied, “Debbie.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that” she said. “What is it?”
“Debbie.” I answered.
“So sorry,” she continued as coffee grinders echoed loudly behind her “What is it?”
“Debbie,” I said once more trying to enunciate. “D-E-B-B-I-E” I continued, as I spelled out each letter for her carefully.
“OH!” she laughed a little perplexed but writing it on the cup nonetheless.
Flash forward a few minutes to find me in the back of the coffee shop along with the other patrons as we waited to pick up our drink orders…
“Vanilla Latte for Tubby!”came a voice I neither listened to nor heard.
“Vanilla Latte for Tubby” it came again.
This time I glanced up and quickly back down to my cell phone, still not registering the words.
“Vanilla Latte for Tubby” the young man said a little louder in my direction.
This time I heard each word as if they were stuck in slow motion.
I looked to my left and then I looked to my right, only to gasp when all eyes were on me. I simultaneously broke out in a red bumpy rash and nearly wet my pants. “Holy crap” I screamed at the top of my internal lungs. “I’M TUBBY!!!” “They think my name is Tubby!” I said to myself.
I waddled up to the counter and said to the fine weight, err, I mean wait, staff, “It’s Debbie….my name is Debbie!” as tears of both laughter and humility filled my eyes because the cup read T-U-B-B-Y.
Okay, now where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself?
Ah, yes…puffy…Err, I mean Tubby, or whatever!
Yes, weight is a sensitive topic for many people. I, myself, am currently fighting the battle of poundage with varying results. Nevertheless, laughter is part of a healthy lifestyle. So if all goes well, I’ll literally laugh my ass off!
How much weight I’ve gained isn’t the issue. For me, it’s the fact that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop my physique from becoming more cuddly at this current juncture in my life.
You see, my weight gain is due to a current medical condition. And while it is not permanent, because I am having to learn to accept it for myself, I am finding that I am also learning to accept it for others.
That’s right, as my waistline has expanded, so too has my perception of our over-weight society.
Right or wrong, I am granting everyone permission for pounds. Any stereotype or prejudices I may have held in the past against obesity, I have now lifted. “Oh,” I now think to myself, “he’s probably on a thyroid medication that’s making him rotund.” Or, “she probably has to take steroids to stop her ovarian cancer from spreading so she looks more like a buoy than a girl.”
What my own experience is teaching me is that underneath the new-gained girth, people may be fighting a real battle of life or death.
True, they may be a complete and utter sloth with the laziest of all genes.
But what if they’re not lazy at all?
What if they workout faithfully and eat well and they’re just gaining weight because they’re carting around a ten-pound tumor that has no doubt grown eyes and teeth and about to take it’s first steps and talk?…for example.
And were it to say its first words, it would scream at the top of its chubby and uncomfortable lungs, “Don’t look at me like that! I’m not fat, I’m sick. And if you have a problem with it, call my doctor’s office and ask them why, for the love of God and Bundt cake and treadmills and ding dongs, they can’t get me in for surgery for months?”
Sometimes life just gets in the weigh.
So for my sake, can we please grant one another a bit of grace and room to grow? Or, womb to grow in my case? HA!
And may we pray, “God, grant us the serenity to accept the pounds we cannot lose, the courage to lose the pounds we can, and liposuction to get rid of the difference. Amen.”
…”Looks more like a buoy than a girl.” Priceless! As a fellow bulge-battler, I likewise try to cut some slack to others with unobvious complications.
I love this 🙂
amen!
LMAO Tubby, im calling you that from now on!
I am laughing that you actually described a dermoid (aka teratoma) perfectly!!! hahaha! Good job 🙂
Oh my GOD, I’ve been waiting for Tubby! I swear, I almsot *never* buy knitting or crochet patterns, because I have soooo many books and magazines and, quite frankly, there are so many good free ones out there but yours, I just have to break down once in a while and get yours! I recently bought Luvgun, and tomorrow I’m going to get Tubby. Because I *must* have a knitted bubble bath, I must! Thank you. You’re amazingly creative, and I love that you choose to share that with all of us.
You are an inspiration, keep on making us laugh!
buoy… *snort* I confess: I giggled like a Catholic schoolgirl when I read that. (Okay, it could have been a public schoolgirl. For some reason I just envision Catholic schoolgirls as more giggly.)
I finally got to read this; glad my stomach was better so it didn’t hurt when I laughed. I’m sharing this on twitter and FB…
That is so awkward and embarrassing and funny that they said “Tubby”!!! Did you ever read those YM or 17 magazines when you were younger and they had this page with “embarrassing” (they probably make them up) stories? Like “and then I came to school in my pink pleather body suit and realized it really wasn’t tacky day until tomorrow!” You should totally send you that to one of those magazines. LOL.
Honey – you are such an inspiring writer…your words make me laugh, cry and, always, THINK (not an easy task…)! Keep up the fantastic work!
This is brilliant! I went from being sad for you one minute, laughing the next, and then down right irritated with the staff at Starbucks…and then wanting to hug you. Life certainly has a way of teaching us to be a bit more compassionate. XO!
My entire life I could not gain weight. I would actually try to gain pounds by eating pure junk food incessantly to get some ‘curves’, but my efforts failed. It wasn’t until I had to start a particular medication in my late twenties that I rapidly put on some weight. It was so ‘rapid’ that I didn’t even notice it until the seamstress working on my wedding dress asked me if I was planning on losing a few pounds for the wedding. Ugh. It’s weird how medicine can be such a huge factor in weight gain!
I am always amazed how you can take an absolutely crummy stage/situation/predicament/whatever you want to call it and make yourself laugh and others with you. Thank you for this insight and reminder. I’m feeling rather tubby myself these days so it hits home 🙂
I’m feeling the love on this one! I believe that somehow we are meant to put on a few pounds in the 40s and 50s so that we have a few to live off of later when our taste buds die, we are eating alone and lot and just aren’t as hungry. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.
I agree, Seana. I’m just storing up for my “mature” years. 🙂
I keep wondering why my pants don’t fit anymore. Is it “that time of the month?” Is there a tumor in my abdomen? Nope…It’s probably those three brownies I ate yesterday!!
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Ohmigoodness your story is hilarious! I’ve had my name spelled wrong (often) at Starbucks, but never have I had it called out and completely wrong not to mention slightly insulting!
Wow, your story was hilarious, but your whole purpose behind telling us and the true heart of your message is really profound. I too struggle with weight (and I prefer the term “fluffy”), but this really made me give MYSELF some more slack. Thank you so much for posting a little bit of humanity for everyone’s benefit. Happy SITS Day!
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THIS: “God, grant us the serenity to accept the pounds we cannot lose, the courage to lose the pounds we can, and liposuction to get rid of the difference. Amen”
Is the best.
I think I’m going to print it out and tape it on my mirror for the days I feel more like cupcakes than pilates.
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HA! Thank you, Mary. Maybe I should get T-shirts made. 🙂 At any rate, thanks for stopping by the blog…and make sure you don’t omit the cupcakes completely. Hehe.
I LOVE this. Way to put some perspective on a touchy topic. I am personally in recovery from an eating disorder so I tend to be a little bit sensitive about this subject. A person’s worth is not determined by their weight or waistline; you never know the battles being waged in a person’s life until you sit down and talk to them. Not only do we need to extend grace and abolish judgment toward others, but we need to do it to ourselves. We need to free ourselves from unrealistic standards and lofty demands that usually and up making us feel pretty lousy at the end of the day. You brought humor to a difficult subject and I’m impressed. Glad to have met you on this, your very on SITS Day 🙂
And I have no idea why that post just linked to my old website. This is my real blog. Please forgive 🙂
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I agree, Brittany. And thank you for stopping by my blog — especially for taking the time to leave a comment. 🙂
Love your attitude in this post! Body image can be difficult for everyone but the most important thing is to love yourself and be healthy. Sounds like you’re doing just that!
Audrey | KeyGypsy.com
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What a wonderful perspective! I agree that we should all grant each other a little more grace. Happy SITS Day 🙂
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I’m dying laughing. That is both hilarious and humiliating. Starbucks, why can’t you get it right? I see this was written 2 months ago, were you able to get surgery yet? I hope it went well!
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