Maybe I’m just not cut out for online dating…
The last time I signed up for an online dating site, I ended up on a blind date in the Bahamas (long story) with a man from Birmingham, Alabama who greeted me wearing a button-down Hawaiian shirt tucked into his sweaty linen shorts with a pair of Tevas and a gold chain necklace.
So pardon me if I am a little leery of this process and/or prospects.
Granted, I was young, delusional and foolish to believe I would find true love on a tropical island. And I was straight up STUPID to fly cross-country by myself to meet a complete stranger that could have pulled a Scott Peterson and anchored my dead body to the bottom of that Bahamian bay.
So, when he dropped his white robe day two and said “Do you want to play with daddy?,” (GULP!!!), I was just damn lucky that I was able to run fast enough towards the other hotel and away from that creep, whilst tears of laughter howled down my face.
I spent the next three days happy to be tanning on that white beach alone and pleased out of my mind that I’d already deactivated my online dating account.
I promised myself (and my real daddy) that I would never sign up for online dating again and if I did, that I’d be cautious.
So here I am…online again. This time it’s on a dare from a soon-to-be divorced friend who thought it’d be fun for him to have someone to exchange stories with. Yeah, so far so Super, Duper fun!
What the heck. What do I have to lose (aside from my life)?
I’m ready for fun, and for chronic first dates! Woo Hoo.
If there’s chemistry, perhaps we’ll share a few tasty cocktails over a fire.
Wait, who am I kidding? We’re all like poop. The older we get, the easier we are to pick up.
Besides, with the right back-lighting, even an unattractive man might appear sexy.
Between you and I, I doubt I’ll last another 48 hours as an online dater. But I’ll commit to staying long enough to at least enjoy a good cup of coffee and a scone~ and then I’m gone.
Well, at least it’s nice to know that the online dating thing is a pot-holed road at best for both the sexes. Er, maybe not so much “nice” as “somewhat fair.” Having to fill out a credit app, listen/read about nail appointments, three past husbands (the biker ex who “will kill you” if he finds out), nine emails and four text messages (with your/you’re and there/their/they’re issues and no end of hearts and smileys) within an hour of saying “hi.” The first date where she smoked through her stoma (no wonder she wore a turtleneck in her pics!). Tanned crocodile skin. Tube Top & Crocs woman. The $500 bottle of wine. The 2nd entree to take home for tomorrow. Aargh – there be dragons here!
Too funny!
You should just go on the next bachelor. Or better yet, bachelorette (im sure its spelled wrong, im NOT an english major)