There’s this funny thing about writing a “Dating & Relationship” advice column ~ it implies I’ve got this whole “relationship” thing nailed down (no pun intended). HA {insert laugh track here}. If that were the case, I wouldn’t find myself more often than not in a broken-down pile of tears on the floor of my walk-in closet, naked but draped in a purple boa, drunk on tequila and totally unraveled because ONCE AGAIN, I failed to apply my own damn advice to my own damn dating scenarios. “Silly goose!”
So in light of my more recent failed trysts (plural), here’s what I want to say to me; here are the things I need to say to myself and know, without question, that I’m not only hearing them, but that I acknowledge them and that I will apply every word, as long as my tender little bird-like heart shall continue beating towards love:
Dear You (You silly, silly, beautiful girl):
You only get one chance at this life, so you’ve GOT to keep jumping in with both feet, taking those risks that might wound, to continue to absorb, feel and marinate in every single, glorious moment of joy, bliss, and happy that is produced along the way. After all, THAT is what this living is all about!
Don’t give up now, even when it hurts, sister! Besides, quitting is not in your nature! Instead, celebrate the fact that you’re still alive, for F’sake! Lord knows you’ve had a few close calls! (October 2010 ring a bell?). And don’t spend a second wondering what might have been when you’ve been given all these moments to revel in what ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY WILL BE!
And please, don’t look back on any conversation you’ve ever had with a man and wish you could delete or change one word of it. Don’t over-analyze it, girl. Instead, remember that you speak out of a place in your soul designed to protect your heart. Knowing you speak in truth and love, don’t ever second-guess what your heart needed to say in that moment. Ever!!! You hear me, Smith?
And just because it didn’t become something greater, doesn’t mean it wasn’t something great! Period. That’s the whole truth, pure and simple. You can NEVER be afraid to lose him. Instead be afraid that by chasing him down you would lose yourself. Let him go. Let them all go.
You cannot take steps backward to bring somebody else forward. You know this! Realize that sometimes, even if you’re right, it’s the timing that is wrong. That’s not yours to adjust.
In the meantime, however, between the ‘what was’ and the ‘what will be’, don’t let any of this threaten to tarnish your value. Just because you haven’t been caught yet doesn’t mean you’re not still a catch. You are! You are love. Now PLEASE, stop looking for it! Trust that when the time is right, it will find you.
Love,
Yourself.
Sister– you’ve got this right…. I love your attitude, and know (from experience) that this was super cathartic for you right now. Keep it flowing… your light is still strong, even though fogged by tears.
My sentiments about “losing love” are exactly like yours– and it makes me so happy to know that another strong gal out there makes it a point to tell herself to “Let him go if it means losing yourself.”
You are a joy and a blessing and any man would be lucky to hold you in his heart. Until then, we all hold you in ours. <3 besitos from Raq and Bear
Writing is always cathartic and word therapy. Hoping today’s addition brings you the best therapy ever! I love this. I love you even more!
Debbie, I read this blog and wanted to say that though inspiring, creative, and well done, it was very sad to me.
Makes me wonder, “What the hell is wrong with us guys?” And makes me embarrassed to be associated with my kind.
I honestly don’t get it at all. You are radiantly beautiful, funny, outgoing, and super talented. Maybe the combination of having too much going for you scares off guys. I work with an extraordinary 40-yr-old woman who shares your similar dating issues, and has never been married. I send her to your site to read your posts often.
Anyways, just wanted to let you know I thought you were special back in high school and since you’ve grown more beautiful and more talented. You are more than a catch, as you wrote. You are a gift. And well, I blame the guys out there directly. Bunch of morons and I’m truly sorry.
I am entering the dating world myself. I have been separated since December and ready to give it a go. I just subscribed to Match.com and am about to embark on mostly likely a fruitless journey (hopefully at least as entertaining as some of your posts). I am reaching out to woman half as special as you, hoping they Wink Back. Ugh.
I am not hitting on you, and probably wouldn’t have said anything if we lived anywhere within distance of being an actual threat. But, since I stumbled on Smith Wit I’ve felt this way about your guy issues. And that was a year or 2 ago. And I could sense that you must have recently taken another hard blow. And from a computer a 1000 miles away, I feel for you and wish there was something I could do for you – as in knock some sense into some fellow for you. And I thought you might enjoy some safe flattery, even at the expense of exposing a secret crush for you (the 18 year-old football player in me still vividly remembers that spectacular smile floating magically above that white, masterfully fitted, cheer leading outfit – yeah, mouth dropped open again envisioning the way “SAILORS” stretched oh so perfectly, feeling a bit ashamed and then racing my mind’s eye down to legs, finding nothing but danger there, and then refocusing on the smile. And the scary thing is you are prettier now).
I guess on the selfishly positive side, I can hope there is an incredible woman like yourself frustrated and undeservedly available for me to take 42+ years to stumble upon.
I absolutely love every word you have written! I may just make this my bedtime pep talk every night after my prayers 🙂