NFL Football: Now you can get a cheerleader and a hotdog

NFL Cheerleaders are not fast food.

Well, let me clarify, NFL Cheerleaders should not be treated like fast food!

Yet, the National Football League has approved an App that will allow fans an opportunity to get closer to the “action.” Meaning, the cheerleaders.

Hot dogs…

Popcorn…

Candy apples…

And now…Candie’s apples! Wink, wink.

Fans will soon be able to get a frottage row seat, Err, I mean a front row seat, to the action that previously remained on the field.

Yep, like a chocolate coating on bacon, the NFL is hoping cheerleaders will make the fan experience even better.

I expect men who purchases this service to be treated by those around them with all the respect afforded the guy who buys the auctioned off popsicle in a strip club.

Seriously.

As a former NFL Cheerleader myself (GO CARDINALS!), I am appalled at this idea.

Honestly, what does the poor cheerleader do when she gets to the fan’s seat?:

• Flirt annoyingly like a Hooter’s waitress?
• Shake around like a Stripper in the face of the guy paying the bill?
• Attempt to lead the section in cheers while angry drunks yell “Sit the F down, you trollop”?

And tell me, NFL, does she come to ones actual seat? That doesn’t seem feasible if you’re smack-dab in the middle of a section 20 seats-deep in belligerent, sweaty, fat men.

I imagine this will tick off a lot of people who now have their view impeded by saps standing around watching the horny douche who has paid extra to watch a cheerleader that everyone has an opportunity to watch. For free.  (But at a safe distance).

Week two will be the first lawsuit for sexual harassment after some drunk asshat grabs a handful!

I mean, if you’re going to make this riCOCKulous idea a reality, you better also make it possible for me to order a NFL Football player off the menu.  Or better yet, bring me Coach Jim Harbaugh, dammit!

What surprises me the most here, is that when I was an NFL Cheerleader (and it was at least a year or two ago — HA!), we had to go through extensive background checks to ensure we were not “exotic” dancers. So why prostitute cheerleaders now?

For an average salary of $50 dollars a game ( Yes, ONLY fifty dollars!), NFL Cheerleaders should be treated with a little more respect. They may not always get it from the crowd, but they certainly should get it from the organization they serve.

For crying out loud, National Football League Cheerleaders work very hard (no pun intended) promoting their respective team’s image in their community, visiting soldiers stationed overseas, and raising funds for many worthwhile causes. And for mere pennies a year.

Besides, can anyone really enjoy a football game while cheerleaders are giving lap dances?  Hell, as a cheerleader, I’d even be distracted from watching the game if that were taking place.

With this move, the NFL is no doubt heading down a strippery slope. Err, I mean a slippery slope.

Seriously, why not just consider consider the field goal the pole and let the ladies spin it around a few times!

TOUCHDOWN! (emphasis on Touch!)

As far as I’m concerned, if the NFL implements this App, soon they’ll be known as the National Fondling League