The colorful cat is out of the bag, or shall I say, “The boobies are out of bra? If you spent any time on Facebook yesterday, you undoubtedly noticed a surge in “colorful” updates. Reason being? Females on Facebook received a message like this:
We are playing a game…… silly, but fun! Write the color of your bra as your status, just the color, nothing else!! Copy this and pass it on to all females …..NO MEN!! This will be fun to see how it spreads, and we are leaving the men wondering why all females just have a color as their status!! Let’s have fun!! Support breast cancer xo!
“Nude…” My status update read. I decided I too would play along in support of breast cancer. After all, I’m quite fond indeed of my cha-chas, jigglers, party hats or whatever else you want to call them. I can certainly appreciate any and all breast cancer awareness methods. And I’m all for “pulling the pontoons” over the fellas. The intent was not to shut men out of breast cancer awareness but have them “Wondering why all hot chicks are naked today,” as a male friend of mine summed it up so nicely.
After all, with more and more people participating in social networking sites like Facebook, it is important that we allow males and females to continue forming relationships, complimenting relationships and totally and utterly destroying relationships on sites such as Facebook. While yesterday’s “sweater puppet stunt” may have been the most blatant “chick trick” that I am aware of, there is another “fun bag” that females practice daily that they DON’T WANT MEN TO KNOW. But since I’ve got moxie, and a few too many “friends” on FB, I’m willing to risk my friend count and let you in on a big secret gentlemen. Thank me later. Or, thank me now. Either way you’ll thank me…
I call it the Status “Up-Date” and I assure you, every day, on every page, there is at least one, if not a myriad, of status “up-date” smatterings upon all of your walls. Consider it the augmentation of social media or the boob job of commentary. It’s females using other females to alter the course of a status update, a wall post, a photo comment or anything else that can be altered with words. It’s distorting her reality so as to appear as if she has more game than she actually does, or more activities than she actually has. While this tactic is most readily used by single ladies, women in all relationship status brackets across the social media spectrum are guilty of implementing The Status “Up-Date:” And here’s how it works:
(1) A female update’s her status.
(2) Said female then seeks assistance in “altering” the course of the status update feed so as to appear more attractive, unavailable and/or sought after by the members of the opposite sex.
(3) She sends a text message to a conspiring female member of her Facebook audience (which by definition is any female in her friend list).
(4) She provides (often verbatim) the comment she wants posted on their status update feed or wall.
(5) Chosen friend obliges by copying/pasting suggested verbiage into status update feed identified.
(6) Obliging friend hits the “comment” button and plays along in the boy ploy.
(7) Status is successfully “up-dated,” meaning unfairly affected, exaggerated, augmented, massaged, amended, mutated, modified, reshaped and deceitfully doctored.
(8) Conclusion: Females don’t play fair on Facebook.
Let’s showcase a few examples:
The ‘Make Him Wonder’ Status:
Lisa’s Status: “I like where this is going…”
What She Wants Men to Think: Where what is going? What does Lisa like? Why is this update incomplete? What is Lisa doing?
The ‘Make Him Wonder’ Up-Dated: “Yeah girl! Can’t wait to hear all about it. Don’t stay out too late. LOL”
Lisa’s Reality: Lisa likes where the rocky road ice cream is going…in her mouth and straight to her thighs as she scoops spoonfuls of it sitting at home in front of the TV with her cat on a Friday night. Lisa is as mysterious as a housefly and not really fooling anyone.
The ‘Update-No-Date’ Status:
Karen’s Status: “Loving my long-stem roses…”
What She Wants Men to Think: Who sent Karen roses? The uploaded photo confirms Karen embracing a vase of a dozen long-stem roses. (Side note: When sending flowers gentlemen, never include baby’s breath. It’s just an ugly, white weed and as pretty as a baby’s bottom).
The Updated-No-Date: “OMG, Karen. The roses are gorgeous. Things with you two must be going well.”
Karen’s Reality: She took a picture earlier in the day when her boss had her deliver a flower arrangement to a church in honor of a recently deceased friend. Karen hasn’t received flowers of any kind in years and the only thing in her life is her Baby Krissy Doll she got when she was five. She keeps it around because she likes to yank the chord on its back and watch the dolls hair grow and retract, grow and retract. Karen is a sad and lonely girl.
The ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ Update:
Josie’s Status: “Thanks for the drink, handsome…and for that full body massage.”
What She Wants Men to Think: Interesting. Josie is getting man-fondled in a bar somewhere. I wonder what bar she is in? I wish I were the one rubbing her down right now.
Hit Me Baby One More Time Up-dated: “Work it, sister! I can see him from where I’m standing and he is SO hot! Oh my, where did his hand just go? LOL!”
Josie’s reality. She was just approved by lecherous Lethario wanting to buy her a drink. She has no intention of taking him up on the offer. She’d rather pee on an electric fence than allow him to take another step in her direction. But she wants her pseudo-boyfriend Matt who’s reading her updates to get a little jealous….
No men were harmed in the unveiling of this Facebook secret.
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